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"Verbal Muscle" Worksheet

The Four "Magic Phrases" for Verbal Muscle

I feel___________________ (angry, hurt, scared...)

when _____________________ (say what happened)

because_________________ (why it upsets you)

and I would like____________ (what you want to happen or change)

The Four Levels of Verbal Muscle

Level #1 -- The "I" Message
  • Give an "I" message -- Look the person in the eye and state clearly how you feel and how you want things to be different.
  • For example, "I feel angry when someone copies my work. It’s not fair and I want you to do your own work."

Level #2 -- Getting stronger
  • Restate your "I" message with emphasis.
  • For example, "I mean it. I feel really angry when someone copies my work. It’s not fair and I want you to stop."

Level #3 -- Add a consequence
  • Restate your "I" message and say what you will do if the other person doesn’t stop. When you make a threat, though, it must be something that you can carry out.
  • For example, "I said I feel really angry when someone copies my work. It’s not fair and I want you to do your own work. If you keep doing it, I will have to tell the teacher. I mean it!"

Level #4 -- Follow through
  • Restate your "I" message and do what you said you would do.
  • For example, "I told you not to copy my work. I said I would tell the teacher and so that’s what I’m going to do."

Another Form of Verbal Muscle -- "Cold Water Words"

These are words that help "put out fires":

  • "We can do better than this"
  • "Maybe you’re right"
  • "Let’s not go down that road"
  • "I’m not going there"

What "cold water words" might work for you?

 

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