From the Summer 2002 Newsletter

Reflections for Parents on the Preschool Pledge of Nonviolence

Kathy McGinnis

Parenting a pre-schooler is a daunting task, filled with all kinds of opportunities for fun and laughter and for the building blocks for basic values.  Here are some self-questions for parents related specifically to the Preschool Pledge of Nonviolence

To Respect Myself and Others

• Do I always use respectful and positive language with my children even when I am correcting them?
• Do I do something each day to make my children feel good about themselves?
• Do I point out their positive behavior more often than their negative behavior?
• Do I give them lots of hugs and honest verbal praise?
• Do I avoid running others down in front of my children?

To Say How I Feel

• Do I label and express my feelings directly to my children: "I feel sad when this happens" or "I am so happy when..."?
• Do I encourage my children to express their feelings -- verbally, through art work, through body language?
• Do I work at positive, safe ways to express my anger?
• Do I encourage my children to express their anger without hurting themselves, hurting others, or breaking things?
• Have I begun a system, like a special family talk time or family meeting, where we work out problems as a whole family?

To Listen to Others

• Do I take the time to really listen to my children and look at them when they are speaking to me?
• Do I encourage them to stop and listen when someone is speaking to them?
• Do I avoid letting the TV, radio, computer or reading material distract me from listening to my children?

To Forgive

• Am I willing and able to tell my children "I'm sorry" when I have done something to hurt them?
• Do my children witness me forgiving others?  Do I forgive them?

To Respect the Environment

• Do my children observe me recycling, picking up litter, etc.?
• Do we enjoy nature together, do we revel in the wonder of it?
• Do we treat all living things with amazement and the utmost care?

To Play Safely

• Do I have a number of active play possibilities for my children (e.g., firefighters, paramedics, animal rescuers, etc.) as alternatives to violent play?
• Have I found ways to encourage the nonviolent developmental needs of children for power, strength and speed in their play?
• Am I clear with my children about my own reasons for not buying violent toys for them?

To Be a Strong and Fair Friend

• Do my children observe me standing up for others who are being put down in any way?
• Do I look for opportunities to explain justice issues to my children in terms of what is fair to other people?
• Am I conscious of building a respect for racial, cultural and religious diversity into our family life -- books, pictures, learning events, etc.
• Do I consciously reject sex-role stereotyping in our language, selection of toys, and the activities I encourage my children to engage in?

Kathy McGinnis is director of the Institute for Peace and Justice and has done extensive peacemaking training throughout the U.S. for preschool educators."